I feel like I fucked up... but this is an unreasonable situation

I feel like I fucked up.
But at the same time, I’m really tired of being abused over and over.
I had to say something...
The lies she has been saying, tarnishing it all for clout was killing me.
How can you be okay with doing the things that you’ve done?
Are you okay with it? Or is it just that you truly don’t realize what you’re doing?

I don’t know what it is.
But I want to believe that you don’t realize it.
But it is at the point where not all of it can be but unintentional.
I wish it was, but there’s just too much that you’ve done.
And every single time you cross a boundary, it’s like you allow yourself to do it from now on.
It’s like, you unlocked a new fucked up thing to justify.
Please wake up before it’s too late.
For your own sake too...

I really want you to be happy with yourself, and happy in general.
Do you think you think that if you keep it up, that you could lead a happy life?
I really don’t want you to end up like Erin.
It’s not too late fey.

On the other hand.
Me speaking back in that way...
I also crossed boundaries. It was not okay.
Yes you have my picture online, and our friends all know who you’re talking about.
What you’re doing is fucked up, and you’re the only one trying to turn friends against others here.
But it does not justify me commenting back to defend myself and vent at your abuse.

It is also selfish of me to think that me doing that also gets in the way of repairing things.
But yes it does.
But at the same time, someone has to say something.
But was it the way to do it? I don’t think so.
But I’m just a girl, I’m ill. And it really feels like you are killing parts of me.
You traumatized me.
I don’t know what to do, or what I was supposed to do.

In those times, you would be the one I could turn to.
The one who would know what to do.
I miss you. And I miss when you would actually be more self-aware.
I miss being seen by you.
I miss you my sister of white.

This timeline is torture.
But I’m not giving up.

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This is all so twisted..
We were so loving and happy.
Why did it have to go this way...
All over stupid paranoia and stubborness...

I love you. I really do.

Please, stop hurting me