...

I was going to be a mom.....

this is a concept of a thought that I never allow myself to even hint at its existence as a concept

because that’s my hidden truth

it wasn’t just the dream you told me a year ago... that made me really happy
about how you dreamt that you had a child, and it was our child
2 girls raising a baby together

but also a few months ago..
you told me you wanted that...

this.. really made me happy
I meant it when I said you were the love of my life.
You are the one girl, I truly knew was the one I wanted to marry. I had never felt this way. But I wanted to wait years,
years waiting for the perfect time. Once you are ready, and I can see you smile.
I wanted to get you a white ring with a black gem
I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be my wife, and be there for life
from this life unto the next

but before that, we would be raising our own family..
2 children

I love you fey
I miss you
you made me happy, in a way
that no one ever has in this entire world
happy in a way that I didn’t know existed
I had truly never felt this feeling
I normally see nothing but the worst and pessimistic view on life
but you made me see it differently
to the point where... for once in my life
while I want to live forever
if I have to die, I could accept it if we loved each other in our shitty lives together
our one chance
our one last chance
at happiness
a place to belong

I love you fey
I miss you my love
my little sunshine
my cute blubrie
my cute little cat!
my best friend
my sister
genuinely, just the coolest girl~
pro gamer sobe
who has the best tastes!
is super funny and pleasant to talk to
that brings the brightness to my smile behind my normally empty expressions

you’re the best
and I saw you as my equal
you can understand in every way!!
not just the bad
but our philosophies
our passions
music
games
/jp/
anime
manga
our identities
how we perceive the world
how we inhabit it in a way that no one else does
we feel like, we are in a dead world
everyone is dead
they are there but not there at the same time
but they nonetheless all matter
it’s like all these flickering memory flames
I am not like them, it feels very lonely
but then
I met another one
of my kind
the only other one and she happens to also be the best
my other half really
just the best friend one could ever have
but also my best friend!
who loves me dearly
and gets me like no one else does
who I can listen to talk and talk about anything forever
and she can listen to me tlak and talk aobut anything forever too!
and fall asleep talking about it..
cry together
laugh together
not just talk about the bad stuff..
the real hard part
which is..
to let ourselves be vulnerable enough to attempt at feeling happiness

you gave me a real smile
and I saw your real smile
the brightness in your laughs...

I love you fey
and I miss your love

I would do anything to relive this life